Dear Ellie

Dear Ellie,

Wow, life has been such a whirlwind since you were born just three months ago! First there was the long and painful recovery, which was made much better by having first your papa and then your grandmom Cynthia stay with me and change virtually all your diapers and prepare all our meals. Then there was our stop in Houston just before our final destination--Baltimore. Now that we are here and finally getting (sort of) settled, I decided to take a little time and mark your milestones.

At five weeks you started smiling here and there, and now you smile just constantly. I read that babies smile at this point to keep their parents going after all the sleep deprivation and boy, does it work. Truth be told, the first thing you smiled at was the very green wall of our London living room but you quickly followed that by smiling at first me and then your papa. Just before you started smiling, I would come in and get you from your naps (when you still napped--ha!) and you would look what I called "pleased." Your face would light up at the sight of me because you knew you were about to be fed.

In the hospital, we sent you to the nursery for the last two nights we were there because you wouldn't sleep anywhere other than in bed with one of us, which made me too nervous to get any sleep myself, so midwife Ivy convinced us to let them take you. Even in the hospital you slept five or six hours at a time and once I hadn't seen you in so long I called the midwives to make sure they hadn't forgotten to bring you to me. But my favorite part of getting to know you in the hospital was that just before the midwives would enter the room with you, I'd hear you crying and the wheels of the bassinet rolling down the hallway. They'd enter the room and pick you up to hand you over to me and midway over the bed, just like that, you'd stop crying. At two days old you already knew your mama, knew my voice, and knew that you were about to be fed.

Speaking of eating, eating is about your very favorite thing in the world. When you were delivered, you were actually already suckling and I heard midwife Ivy exclaim, "Oh, she's hungry!" (Boy, did I relate.) You learned to breastfeed very quickly and afterward wanted to do only that, all the time. More often than not, you would nurse for upwards of two hours. Your dad and I didn't get it at first and were convinced it was gas, or colic, or fussiness, but in the end one of the midwives wised us up and told us that if I was going to breastfeed, I had to let you go as long as you wanted (others disagreed with this, but once I started letting you complete your marathon sessions you were a very happy baby who rarely cried and slept really well). In fact, in the hospital, you only lost half the weight you were supposed to and by six weeks you were in the 91st percentile of all babies for weight.

Something else you have recently discovered is the sound of your own voice. Starting at two weeks you would coo a little or let out a little squeal of delight (particularly when you were getting your diaper changed) and now that has evolved into full-on "talking." Mostly you say, "AHHHHH" and "AIIIIIII" and we have a little chat every morning when you wake up. It really fascinates you when I roll up my tongue and damn if you don't concentrate very hard on doing the same. Apparently tongue-rolling is genetic, and your dad can't do it, but by the looks of it it may be the one and only physical attribute you have inherited from me. You look so much like your dad and so little like me that when the two of you are together I can't stop smiling. It's amazing that there's this new little person--you!--who looks so much like the man I married.

Recently, you accomplished a very big first milestone, which is sleeping in your own room. Part of the reason we wanted to move to Baltimore was to be able to afford a house to live in so that you could have your own room, instead of a nursery/office/guest room rolled into one. Your nursery is tiny--some would call it a glorified walk-in closet--but it's all your own and I want it to be your sanctuary. I had fully planned on having you sleep in our room with us until you were six months old (the guidance in England) but you and I were driving each other a little crazy, I think. You would fuss in your sleep and I would unwittingly wake you up to feed you thinking you were already up, which would result in all three of us needlessly being awake at 4 am. And although your dad really didn't want you to leave our room since he has to go to work and doesn't get to spend as much time with you as I do, as soon as you made the transition, you started sleeping from 8 pm to 6 am. I am hoping that eventually that will become 8 to 8 because honestly, 8 am is a more civil hour than 6 am. But one nice thing about you waking up so early is that as soon as we hear you chirping away at your mobile in the morning, your dad goes in to get you and bring you to me to feed you. I went to get you the first time and you gave me such a surprised and brilliant smile that we decided we couldn't let your dad miss this. So, now he's the one you greet with beautiful gummy grin each morning.

It seems like you are doing new things every day--smiling at the dogs, rolling over, holding your head up steadily, practicing sitting up--and I have to say that I am really enjoying three months. I feel like I've finally got you figured out and you seem much less fragile than you once did. We are having a nice time hanging out together every day and your dad says I'm your hero because of the way you look at me. And it's funny to say, but it's sort of true. Sometimes I'll be in line at the post office or you'll be nursing and I'll look down and you'll be studying me so very intently and smiling serenely. I think it's safe to say that nobody has ever looked at me quite that way and I am sort of dreading the day when our relationship becomes more complicated. I feel like you trust me implicitly and though I am looking forward to your building more and more bonds in your life, it's nice to know that you feel completely safe in my care. I couldn't ask for anything better.

As your dad says, You are my heart.

Love,
Mama

Comments

[Marcy]

I love this. It's so fun reading these letters from moms who've had a baby just recently, it makes me look forward even more to experiencing all this with our little one. =)